Fixer upper, slightly damaged from weather. Beautiful columns made of ivory. 228 x 101ft. Great place to house statues. Comes furnished with a very lovely statue of Athena. For more details and price negotiations contact Hestia, goddess of architecture, at 376-275-9254 (extension *34^78@)
Goddess of Victory, Nike, was spotted at a marathon this past Saturday. Our sources reported that she finished last and was seen throwing a tantrum and accusing people of cheating. Apparently the “No flying” rule really ruffled her feathers! Get yourself together, Nike. We wanted to see you win. Just do it.
I am writing you today in regards of a problem I have come across. This whole “God of the Underworld” thing isn’t really working for me anymore. I have recently discovered my passion for all things happy, such as fishes and sunshine. I’m rather tired of sitting here in the dark and the fire, doing nothing but trying to make interesting conversation with dead people and spirits. The people down here are rude, and also I am slowly becoming more and more afraid of the dark. You never know what kind of monster is lurking around the corner. I would like to propose a switch in power between myself and Poseidon. We both know how much better I could handle his job. Plus, I was thinking about joining BlueVoice ( an ocean conservation organization that protects whales and dolphins). Therefore, if I am “Hades, god of the sea”, my voice and opinion on the subject matter will most certainly be heard. Hear me out brother, I am turning a new leaf and I want to make a new name for myself. I’m sure dear Poseidon, our lovely brother, wouldn’t mind at all! I hope to see you soon!
Love & Kisses,
God of the Underworld
Messenger to the gods, Hermes, was taken in to custody today charged with 10 counts of mail fraud. He has been accused of sending out numerous false bills. According to one victim, Poseidon, he received a water bill that was upwards of 600$! “..which is false”, he accused, “I conserve my water as best I can and I have never had one higher than 250$.” Hermes has not yet plead guilty and will be in court later this week.